fimbaz (fimbaz) wrote in iambic_5meter,
fimbaz
fimbaz
iambic_5meter

An error message, GPLed for all. By me, and dedicated to your site.

One morning on the sunny ides of May
I moused about with vigor and aplomb.
My clicks were sure, my browsing eye that day
Surveyed the web with certainty and calm.

I tarried on the fallow google fields
I wiki'd through the academic hills.
I past the myspace dragon quickly stealed
Festooned he was with buggy code and shills.

And further in my wandering did I roam
Through linkfarms, porno, Slashdot, digg, and more
But now I close the internet's great tome,
There is no page that lives here-- 404.
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  • 4 comments
That's clever; me likey.

Though that said, I'm not sure aplomb and calm actually rhyme (given that the latter contains an L), and the past tense of steal is stole, not "stealed." Capitalizing brand names like Google and Myspace might also be good.
Thanks :). I appreciate it. When I was writing, I couldn't decide between stealed and stole-- I even looked it up to see if I could reasonably use "stealed." In the end, I decided to opt for rhyme instead of grammar. After all, if American and British English can't even agree on the proper past tenses for some words, who's to say I can't fudge it a little? Good point on the capitalization-- I ought to change that. But I think aplomb and calm come close enough to rhyming that it works. Everybody gets a little shaky on sonnet rhyming sometimes-- do you think it messes with the feel of it in this case?

All comments read with diligence and speed
It's feedback, fair or filthy, that I need.

Deleted comment

Not verb. Preposition. As in quickly stealed (stole) past.

Inverted sentence structures tricky are.
Hmm, I didn't get this; must go investigate email comment-forwarding sitch, I see.

Anywho: the only thing with the (slant) rhymes is that the rhyme scheme you picked is inherently so chime-y, having rhymes that aren't exactly on shows up even more.

The poem, though, is charming,
so it's not so alarming.